I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
