yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
