I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
