I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
