wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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