You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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