Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
