I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
