This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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