I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
