WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
