I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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