You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
