Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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