We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
