did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
