my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
