I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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