You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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