Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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