# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
