My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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