you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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