If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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