Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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