We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
