is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
