Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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