So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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