Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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