my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
