I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
