Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
