First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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