i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
tell me about the eggs
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
