A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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