I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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