Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
