Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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