I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
