Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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