i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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