i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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