Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
