I wanna bring you to show and tell
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
