you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
