you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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