Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
