so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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