the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
