Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
