can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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