Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
