I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
